Another Kind of Intelligence
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Popular definitions of emotional intelligence recognize certain personality traits, such as persistence, motivation and drive for achievement, as important for success in life, and group them together under the heading of "emotional intelligence." However, Mayer says, these groupings are "haphazard," linking traits that have no relation to each other. "The reason we take issue with re-labeling parts of personality as 'emotional intelligence,'" Mayer explains, "is that if it doesn't refer exclusively to emotion or intelligence, it becomes quite unclear to what it does refer. Motivation, for example, is a mental function in many ways distinct from both emotions and cognition."

Personality psychology studies hundreds of parts of the mind, systematically organizing and categorizing them according to their structures and functions. Therefore, Mayer argues, it is the discipline most qualified to define emotional intelligence. Mayer and Salovey have spent 10 years conceptualizing the abilities that make up emotional intelligence and creating methods for measuring them. The abilities include the ability to perceive and identify emotions, the ability to reason and solve problems based on emotional experience, and the ability to manage emotions effectively.

Consider the following scenario, which comes from an article on emotional intelligence and marriage, written by Julie Fitness, and included in a collection entitled Emotional Intelligence in Everyday Life, edited by Jack Mayer and his colleagues Joseph Ciarrochi and Joseph P. Forgas. At a dinner party, Jim overhears his wife, Susan, joking about his sexual hang-ups to friends. He feels "hot, sick, and has urges both to disappear under the table and to throw his dinner at her." Depending on his emotional intelligence, he may or may not understand that his feelings are a complex combination of embarrassment, shame, anger and hurt. The emotionally intelligent spouse, Fitness writes, might reason, "If I show I'm angry, then my friends will be even more embarrassed and I will look even more foolish. If I laughingly reveal one of my wife's anxieties, then my friends may assume it's all in fun, but she will know I've taken revenge. However, that will mean she has the right to be angry with me later and we'll get into a fight. If I pretend I haven't heard her remark, or I change the subject, then the situation should resolve itself for the time being and I can take it up with my wife when I feel calmer."

When he confronts his wife later, Fitness writes, "The emotionally intelligent spouse may be aware that he still feels angry and that he would like nothing more than to attack his wife. However, he may also know that an angry reaction will escalate the conflict and prolong the drama for them both. Thus he may decide to control his anger, but to express his hurt and embarrassment. ... His wife may then feel guilty, apologize for having been so insensitive and try hard over the next few days to make him feel better."

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